more musing on “homes”

in musings, my home  5 comments
Mar 20 2007

you know. they say your home reflects the inner you.

the state of BE-ing. how you BE at the time.

looking back i can say this is true of my journey. landing on Australian soil, i basically had to go solo, make decisions on my own while preserving my mum’s savings and making it as a successful post-grad student. my home reflected that. it was a dingy, tiny, dark, musty two bedroom apartment on the ground floor. i hardly saw sunshine in there. it was always cold. it was fully furnished with the worst pieces. there was mold on my bedroom walls. the carpet was always dirty no matter how many times i washed and vaccuumed.

and my state of mind was chaotic, confused, alone and humbled.

then my next place i made sure was light filled. it was a neat, little characterless two bedroom joint on the top floor of a 2-floor apartment block with just 6 apartments. this time i got to buy some cheap furniture, as it was only partially furnished. then to make it my own, i knick-knacked it big time.

my state of mind was cluttered with new ideas from uni, from friends, but still felt really quite un-independent.

then i moved to another state, to live with my then-boyfriend’s family/hometown in an attempt to save for a decent wedding. after sleeping on the living room of my now-in-laws’ busy and VERY furnished country-style place for over 4 months, i moved into a small granny flat at the back and bottom of my landlady’s place. at $100 a week, i had a small bedroom, a small bathroom, a tiny kitchenette and a living-dining room.

it suited my funds and mental space. but it was also the start of something awakening in me in terms of what i wanted my home to be.

i wanted it attractive.

but because i didn’t fully understand me yet, i assumed the style of my mother in law: country. dried flowers, embroidered cushions, rough wood pieces, lace tableclothes etc. being at the back of someone’s place, hidden there, made sense.

i was feeling small at that time. no big career title (took me 8 months to find an admin position) and being that age and nothing to show for it.

after getting married, we moved into a much larger, sun filled rental apartment that has remained both our favourites in terms of layout. it was a three bedroom, with peach for walls and peach for trim and peach for kitchen. totally uninspiring. starting out small, we had second hand furniture that were really destined for the tip. our few splurges were a brand new queen-sized sleigh bed, a stainless steel fridge and a washing machine. everything else we scoured garage sales etc. not really what reflected me, but what our meagre savings could afford. cleaner, un-country-ier, whiter. i started to really like the shabby chic look.

things at work were looking up, i was making friends at work and being married with a great guy. less and less knick knacks but more expensive things were showing up, i started a jug collection, sold on eBay alot of the previous clutter.

then we moved back to melbourne. i was pregnant. my husband found this great-deal-on-apartment-but-not-ideal three bedroom rental townhouse. again, everything was off-white. smallish bedrooms, large modern kitchen and narrow living-dining. this time, we had enough savings to buy better things. everything being in boxes, i was allowed to pick and choose what i wanted even more.

i knew enough about me to know i don’t like clutter. i now like my home clean, un-busy but very quirky. so my home is starting to reflect that.

no more dried flowers, lace, gingham, teddy bear hangers and hooks and plaques. and my state of BE-ing is better.

i have a loving husband, an adorable daughter, family relationships i treasure and cherish, pride in my work and achievement, good friends… and my home reflects that today. while not ideal, i’m slowly making it ME. things have got to be sold, more clutter whittled down and other more appropriate pieces bought. but it’s my state of BE-ing.

what about you? what does your space say about you?

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